Setting boundaries to support your overall well-being

Published on: July 11, 2022

Reflect on a moment where you encountered someone that left you feeling uneasy or tense in a way that made you feel some emotional discomfort. This could have been a moment where a boundary may have been crossed. It’s important to know that not all boundaries we set for ourselves are made known to others; therefore more times than not these boundaries can be crossed.

Setting boundaries has become a part of our daily conversations, and many people are beginning to explore boundary-setting both in their personal and professional lives to regain control over their wellness. As we begin to explore boundaries, we must first understand what a boundary is, why we need them, and how they impact our lives.

New York Times bestseller and Licensed Clinical Social Worker Nedra Tawwab defines boundaries as “a verbal statement or an action that you communicate to someone to feel safe, secure, and supported in a relationship. Often we think of boundaries as only verbal, but boundaries are also an action.”

Why do we need to create boundaries?

We need boundaries to protect our self-care and keep us balanced. One of the most important reasons we need clear boundaries is because boundaries teach people how to treat us. When we create clear boundaries with the people in our lives, whether it be family, friends, colleagues, or even bosses, we tend to have a more healthy and honest relationship with these individuals.

In a perfect world, everyone would treat people with respect, love, compassion, and empathy. However, because everyone has experienced life differently, our needs, desires, expectations, traumas, triggers, and comfort levels vary from person to person, resulting in unique self-requirements also known as boundaries. While we can expect and require everyone to adhere to the boundaries we set for ourselves, we can’t expect everyone to know what they are if we have not shared them. Also, understanding as we age, encounter life experiences, reinvent ourselves, and have children, our needs will change, and because of this, we have to continue to be teachers of the way we want people to treat us.

How do I set boundaries at work?

Let’s be honest, setting boundaries is a lot easier said than done (like most things.) Having to communicate our needs with people can feel uncomfortable and leave us quite vulnerable, but nonetheless it has to be done to maintain or increase our quality of life and have healthy relationships that are rooted in honesty of how we feel and what we need.

The pandemic pushed many employees into remote work, requiring employees and employers to shift their standard work practices and create a new normal as it relates to work schedules, accessibility, family time, and work-life balance. Due to these changes, expectations of remote work have become blurred, and it has become easy for boundaries to be forgotten.

Here are some strategies you can implement to create a better work-life balance:

Identify what you need to feel safe and secure by the people around you.
Be straightforward with your needs and desires.
Create non-negotiables (i.e., family time is from 5-8 p.m. I will not answer emails/phone calls during these hours).
Be consistent. We all understand life happens. However, when setting boundaries it’s important to remain consistent in your requests so learned behaviors can be established.
Establish consequences. When setting a boundary, it can be helpful to follow with what the outcome will be if those boundaries aren’t respected.
Silence notifications. When away from work, silence emails or turn your phone to “do not disturb.”
Use your paid time off. Taking time off allows you to reset and refocus.
DO NOT APOLOGIZE. Protect your peace of mind. Do not feel guilty for putting your needs first.

Setting boundaries to support your overall well-being

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Why do we need to create boundaries?

How do I set boundaries at work?