Love begins with yourself

Published on: February 08, 2023

February is a month that constantly reminds us that love is in the air – love between two people, love from children, the bromance, galantine, and the works. While all these celebrations of love are great and much needed, where does self-love come into play? How can we place a high value on the love we have for ourselves during this time of the year? Isn’t it true that having a healthy foundation of self-love, self-compassion, self-exploration, and self-esteem is the key to happiness and overall balanced wellness? I think so.

Self-love is something that we all struggle with at some point in our life. It’s typically easier for one to pour love out to others instead of pouring love into themselves. Have you or someone you know experienced this? Take time to reflect on why this may be the case.

What is Self-Love?

Self-love is such a trendy buzzword these days, but what does it actually mean? Why is it such a vital practice toward obtaining happiness? For me, self-love means accepting yourself as everything you are, and still deciding every day to love each piece of you unconditionally. Without constantly practicing self-love, how can we teach others how to treat us and love us for who we are? How do we communicate our boundaries if we are unaware of them? Ultimately, how do we shift the perspective from sending our love outward to sending it inward? It starts with being intentional.

My grandmother told me long ago, “Before you allow someone to love you, I want you to learn how to love yourself. Once you do that, the person you choose to love will join you in loving you.”

So where do you start in the continued self-love journey and/or the new stage of learning to love yourself? I always say, start with YOU! Meet yourself where you are, unapologetically! Self-love is a skill that you can cultivate with time and practice.

Steps Toward Loving Yourself

Clear your mind. Spend time with yourself to focus on the things in life that truly bring you happiness and give yourself permission to just spend time thinking, feeling, and releasing suppressed thoughts and emotions. It’s important when doing this to make sure you’re in a physical space where you can let your thoughts run free and foster free mind flow This practice may look different for each individual.
Get to know yourself. Ask yourself the hard questions. Write them down, and reflect on what you have written. As you start reflecting on what you have written, you have the opportunity to decide what parts of yourself you like and want to keep, identify areas of improvement, and discover things that no longer serve who you want to become.
Identify your values. Do not shift from these!
Get comfortable being uncomfortable. Part of loving ourselves and embracing who we are as individuals involves getting comfortable with where we are in life, and how we want to show up to the world. (You may not be for everyone, and that’s okay.)
Spoil yourself. This can be as simple as buying yourself that delicious Starbucks drink everyone Friday, or treating yourself to a spa experience once a month. Whatever you choose, make it all about you!
Invest in self-care. Find a therapist or a life coach that can support you on your path to establishing self-love.
Set boundaries. Learn to say no to behaviors and habits that no longer serve you. Ask for what you want and need out of the relationships you engage in. Put yourself first, and protect your peace.
Date yourself. This step has always been hard and quite uncomfortable for not only my clients, but myself as well. People tend to think, “Date myself?” YES, date yourself. It will feel awkward at first, if you have never taken yourself on a date, however the experience can be quite liberating and therapeutic. The only downside may be paying for your own meal. That’s a sacrifice I think we can live with.

You only have to convince one person that you deserve everything you want, and that person is you.

Love begins with yourself

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What is Self-Love?

Steps Toward Loving Yourself